Manny Pacquiao screams: I can whip Floyd Mayweather Jr.

Michael Marley's open letter to Manny Pacquiao:

Dear Manny:

It has come to my attention that I need to bring some things to your immediate attention. I do realize you were a little busy, particularly on Saturday night.

Why did you only batter Ricky Hatton for just five minutes 59 seconds, Megamanny?

Were you trying to get over to LA for a quick flight back to Manila?

How did your sainted mother enjoy her first trip to the US?

Please tell her the whole country is not as wild and whacky as Las Vegas.

I hear your religious Mom spent most of the fight on her knees. In that regard, she was just like the overwhelmed Hatton, eh? Your mother was praying and Hatton didn’t have one.

Listen, do not get upset by me calling you the Happy Hooker. It’s nothing tawdry but merely a reflection of your amazingly fast and powerful punches, which Paulie Malignaggi predicted would make Hatton look like a guy stuck in quicksand, and your smiling warrior persona.

I hear HBO is replaying this brief movie, "Bring Me The Head Of Richard John Hatton," this Saturday night in conunction with the proably abysmal Chad Dawson-Antonio Tarver rematch.

I’ve got some news flashes for you, Manny. I will go in reverse order of their importance as you begin settling back into your not training to kick someone’s butt regular life.

1. TIME MAGAZINE’S NEW POLL: You ranked high in their “Most Influential” poll but I think now they are going with a “Most Destructive” poll in which I predict you will finish off any challengers in about five minutes and 59 seconds.

2. DOS EQUIS BEER WANTS YOU NOW: The guys over at Dos Equis are more than a little peeved about how Tecate is taking a bid ride in boxing. Tecate, which came in through Golden Boy Oscar De La Hoya, made those big beer cans with the pictures of you and Hatton on the side. Wow, what a Mexican-theme Cinco De Mayo gift for one and all. I can understand why, while standing strong with your beloved country, you might want to become a dual citizen and fly the red, white and blue flag also. Only in America could we have a big beer company pushing a Brit and a Pinoy fighter on a big Mexican holiday. Well, the reason I mention Dos Equis because I am hearing they are dropping the suave, sophisticated and debonair greybeard cat who they called “the Most Interesting Man in the World.” And now their focus is on landing the real, the genuine, the bonafide “Most Interesting Man in the World” as their commercial icon. If you don’t know who I am talking about yet, pal, just look into your nearest mirror. More moolah plus free cerveza for you. I guess this is the ultimate compliment from the Mexican people and I am sure this will steam up Juan Manuel Marquez endlessly.

3. COACH ROACH’S NEW PEDESTAL: Manny, my Boston homeboy might be brought into the Obama Administration as an international hot spot troubleshooter in his spare time. And why not since Coach Freddie seems to have a Midas touch in boxing. Everything he touches, turns to gold while everything Floyd Mayweather touches turns to dreck. “Pretty Daddy” has turned into a Reverse Midas. I say let’s just hail Trainer of Every Year Roach as this generation’s Angelo Dundee/Eddie Futch and be done with it. I will note, however, that you could have carried Hatton into the third round to make Freddie look even more precisely prescient, lol! If we had a Mt. Rushmore for fight trainers, Roach’s mug would be on it now.

4. FORMER KING HAS RETURNED: What the hell was the Golden Boy brain trust, and I use the phrase loosely, thinking by trotting out Pretty Boy Floyd and Juan Ma Saturday morning in Vegas when all the media carousers are still shaking off their Friday night hangovers? Bad timing, Goldens, as Manny went out and made a statement which screams: I CAN BEAT MAYWEATHER, I WILL BEAT MAYWEATHER, I AM THE RING KING AS LONG AS I SAY I AM. If you can hit PBF with some of those lightning and thunder combos you nailed Hatton with, Mayweather won't boxing trunks, he will need pajamas because he, too, will go to sleep.

5. MICHAEL MARLEY DON’T NEED NO STINKING BADGES: You probably never heard because you might have considered pulling out of the fight but some ribbon clerk on Team Hatton conspired with the Golden Boys to deny me, for the first time since Ali-Liston II in Lewiston circa 1965, a press credential. I know revenge is a dish best served cold. But my Irish temper—ask Coach Roach he can tell you about that—got the best of me. I rang up said ribbon clerk Sunday morning and suggested he put his credential, as Larry Holmes likes to say, “Where the sun don’t shine.” And I didn’t mean in the MGM Grand sports book, either. I’m not proud of this, Manny, and I will henceforth try to be a gracious, sportsmanlike winner just as you are.

Have a nice vacation, Champ. Marquez-Mayweather could be a somewhat interesting fight but, even if Pitty Pat Floyd Kos Juan Ma in two rounds or vice versa, your perch remains safe. The winner of that July 18 fight cannot possibly be The Man unless and until they beat The Man-ny.

As Frank Bruno used to say on TV to Harry Carpenter, “Know wot I mean, ‘Arry?”

Sincerely Yours, Your White Gorilla (say hello to your lawyer, “The Jackal”)

Source: http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-5699-NY-Boxing-Examiner~y2009m5d4-Manny-Pacquiao-screams-I-can-whip-Floyd-Mayweather-Jr

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